HOW FOOLISH WAS I!
Momz’ funeral was March 25th 2010; I was 28 years old at the time and hadn’t seen some of my family members since I was a kid. I was expectin’ and lookin’ for the love, even though I was in shackles!
How foolish was I! All I got were fake smiles and cold hearts. The tension was so hurtful and obvious that I couldn’t wait to leave, even though I LONGED to be loved and accepted in that moment.
I felt lonely and betrayed, as if I was an animal who deserved nothing but suffering and punishment for all of eternity. I wish that feeling on NO ONE!
Yea, I was shook and bitter at the world, but years later, I accept full responsibility for that scene. Why? Because I carved out my own path in life. Those cold stares were the result of my past deeds.
Over time I learned that the only way I was going to grow was to stop being bitter! Stop looking outwards! Stop it with the self-pity, blaming and anger!
Yep, letting go of anger and blame is some real gangsta sh*t! Slingin’ and bangin’ on the streets is just anger and hurt masked in reckless bravado. I’m trying to grow on a whole ‘nother level now.